Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
