I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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