I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i think i have two assholes
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
