I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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