Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
