I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
