I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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