i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
