we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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