"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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