I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
