I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You made out with two different species that night
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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