OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
