dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
