No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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