Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
