Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
