just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
