even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
