He had one of those small greek statue penises
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
