she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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