Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
