Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
