you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
