Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
