im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
