yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
