there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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