I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
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