please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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