Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
