Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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