I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
