sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
