Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
