meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
