I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
