Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
