neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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