why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We left the knife in your bed.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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