I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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