How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
