im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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