So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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