This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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