a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
