My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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