the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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