six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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