do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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