Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm sobbing to NWA
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
