All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
