I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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