ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
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