i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
