I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
