Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
