He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
