I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
